Christmas time is here... I have a lot of new friends this year who probably have not read this... just my take on Christmas songs...
This is a blog I wrote on myspace a couple years ago...
Wednesday, December 19, 2007 Christmas songs...
Ok this is my favorite time of year. No matter what is going on in my life, Christmas time is the best... I love Christmas music and the fact that KVIL plays non-stop Christmas music the whole month. I actually carry a Christmas CD in my car year round and I do listen to it all the time.
But there are a few things that bother me about Christmas music. One is for sure the CHEESE factor. There are too many songs that are cheesy. The other is the lack of reality in most of the songs... I have thought way to long and way to hard about this stuff so let's just touch on a few things about some song lyrics...
"Scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmas' long long ago"... HUH??? Ok I can understand the tales of the glory stuff but the scary ghost story part?? WHAT? Is Christmas time the season for scary stories?? I can imagine the Three Kings... roaming the desert following the star... trying to find the baby Jesus... the 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus... they are stopped for the night... around the campfire roasting marshmallows... One of them has a candle under his chin (no flashlights back then... duh)... "and when he walked to the other side of the camel... he found a HOOK!! AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!" I mean come on!! (now I know that the song reference is about the story of Scrooge... but is that story really scary? I think not!)
Ok the song "Do You Hear What I Hear?"... This is the most unrealistic song ever... Ok first off is the whole "said the little lamb to the shepherd boy, do you hear what I hear?"... Huh? Would the little lamb really say that or would he point out the obvious? "Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy, 'Hey I'm a talking lamb, hey I'm a talking lamb"... now THAT is reality people! Yes do you hear what I hear? Yes I do.... I hear a talking lamb....
Then later in the song is "a little child shivers in the cold, let us bring him silver and gold, let us bring him silver and gold". DAMN YOU KINGS! The child is shivering in the cold!! Bring him some blankets! A tarp! Something to warm him up!! Yes he could buy up the town with silver and gold but I don't think there was a Super Wal-Mart open in Bethlehem that night you jack offs!
Ok my personal favorite song is the Little Drummer Boy.... but come on! Ok so there is Mary... worn out... just gave birth. In a stable. Around a bunch of talking lambs and cows and donkeys and crap... she just gets baby Jesus to sleep after he was shivering and stuff... she is still a little ticked off about the whole Silver and Gold deal instead of blankets... she just takes some BC powder and lays down next to baby Jesus... and RAT A TAT TAT... here comes that little jerk kid beating on his little DAMN DRUM!! Come on you punk!! It is past midnight! Run your ass over and bug those Three Jerk Kings and LEAVE MARY ALONE!! Like she cares that you had no gift to bring!! At least you did not bring useless Silver and Gold!! PUNK ASS KID!!
What about Jingle Bells...? "Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh". Uh really?? What if you are the 1 skinny guy on a sleigh full of Biggest Loser candidates??? Would it really be fun? I bet the horse would actually be pretty pissed!
Now finally is the cheese of cheese song: "Christmas Shoes".
I hate this song.... SO MUCH!
"Sir I want to buy these shoes... for my mama please... it's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size. Could you hurry sir, daddy says there's not much time. You see she's been sick for quite a while, and I know these shoes will make her smile. And I want her to look beautiful when mama meets Jesus tonight". Oh pass the nacho chips... I have a bucket of cheese here!
How do we know that kid was not going story to store making up a sob story to get his mom an outfit. Shoes at that store. Dress at another. Made a stop at Victoria's Secret... Crying about mama! Telling lies to get free crap!!
"Sir I want to buy this dress, for my mama, please. It's Christmas Eve and this dress is just her size..."
"Sir I want to by this bra, for my mama, please. It's Christmas Eve and her boobs would look just right"
"Sir I want to by this thong, for my mama, please. It's Christmas Eve and her butt would look just right... Could you hurry sir, the club opens early tonight. You see she's been thick for quite a while. These drawers would make her smile. I want her to look bootyful when mama meets Jesus (Hey suess) tonight"
IT COULD GO ON AND ON!!!!
Anyway, just my take on things!